Still Naked, Still Used
by Reno Keehl
Summary: As Takada anticipates her death, she looks back on her life with Raito aka Light and realized that she has been but a pawn to his game. Heartbroken, she awaits her end while summing up her heart felt feelings for him. Told in first person by Kiyomi Takada


I thought I was going to be the goddess of the New World, Raito. How did it come down to this? Ha, I am such a stupid woman, letting him play me like this. So in the end, I am but another pawn in his grand scheme. I should have known better. I should have known that I was no better than anyone else. I should have known that I was going to die.

But at the time, everything he was preaching sounded like music to my ears! Justice… This world needed justice! Crime rates are crazy and something must be done! As an anchor woman, I was tired of broadcasting news every night about who killed who, and what store was just robbed, or what other illegal activities happened. I wanted the world to become a better place. Raito wanted the world to become a better place.

Then, when I discovered that my college boyfriend is Kira, I lost sight of reality. All I wanted was to join him! He promised of a better tomorrow. He said the world would be cleansed, and I believed him, after all, there was no reason for me not to. He had proven himself worthy of the title of God. Criminals are being erased from the face of the Earth, slowly but surely! The world was becoming an improved living environment already! I loved him power as Kira. I wanted him for myself.

It was just natural that I pledged my loyalty to him, was it not?! I am no different from any follower of any religion! I liked the things he had to offer, and so I followed him! I put all my efforts forth and made sure that his words got out. I gave up nights of sleep to be with him. Raito took all of me. My god took all of me, my body, my trust, my career, my life…and now… Now I am of no more use. Isn't life funny?

He told me such sweet lies, that man did. Raito said that if I were to join him, we could be hand in hand, purifying the world! Justice would prevail…but Kira, my god, my lover, was a liar! He was willing to sacrifice me and anyone else to reach his goal… No, he was willing to sacrifice everyone else to make sure that he doesn't get caught. That was it.

See, even though I am the sacrifice here, I know now that he will not try for me. He is too worried about saving himself. He must cover up all traces that leads back to him. He must erase me, and without second thoughts, he will. I am so scared-- I don't know where I am, but I know that this is my burial site. I am going to die here today, but I just don't know how or when… Kira--God, please don't kill me… I want to live, but I know I am crying out with my hoarse voice in vein because saving me would be too risky, and Raito would rather live than save me…

Did I really do this out of love, or was it lust for power? I know deep within my heart that I was initially driven by a hunger for justice, but then it got out of hand… I ended up wanting everything, but most of all, I wanted his approval. It became very important to me because somewhere along the line and mixed in the fight for justice and the lies that I mindlessly indulged myself, I found that I really enjoyed the little time we spent together, be it at my place or in a hotel room somewhere. Raito made me feel like a lady, not just a TV icon, and that made me happy. I felt like I was complete with him somehow.

I did not see myself here like this when he was holding me in my bed. I was naked and used, but I did not know it at the time. I was content with that. I wanted him to use me as best as he could! I did not see myself here like this when he told me that he loved me. I am here, naked and used in the back of this freight truck, not knowing where I am, or what exactly will become of me. I fear for my life, and he will do no such thing as lift a finger to save me. When his fingers move, it will be to grip a pen to scribble my name and death description onto that notebook.

I killed this poor boy in vein… Maybe he really was trying to save me. Forgive, Mihael Keehl. You see, soon I will be joining you, so you can avenge yourself then.

Will nobody miss me when I die? Nobody has ever really known me except for Raito, but he has known me much too well… He knew what I wanted, and he was fond of all of my fatal weaknesses. He plotted them skillfully against me…and now…now the constricting air in this freezing freight truck is polluted with smoke. Now, Kiyomi Takada will prove that she was a stupid woman. I regret that I was too blinded to see. I regret that even now before I die, before he kills me, I can still say that I love him. I love him to death.


End file.
